Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.

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(636): View more from Missouri

So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.

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(607): View more from New York

Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now

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(410): View more from Maryland

Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.

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(765): View more from Indiana

you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.

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