I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
