I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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