Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
