god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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