The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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