u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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