make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
