When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
