Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
