I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
