His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am available for nakedness
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
