Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
