haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
