girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
