Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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