Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think my vagina is haunted
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
