this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
