I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
