I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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