I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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