Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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