They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
