does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
