we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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