I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
