'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
