I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
