you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
