At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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