I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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