Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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