Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
