He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
