i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
