Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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