I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
