When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
