last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
one might say we're banned from that church
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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