Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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