I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
