I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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