just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
