He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
