morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
