I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
