I wanna bring you to show and tell
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
