it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
