This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
