at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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